I’m running a course in handling conflict in a fortnight for some corporate clients. It occurs to me that I need a mini-version of this course for dealing with the phase our son, Monty, is currently experiencing. I posted a question about it on TwinsClub and have had some useful answers so far. I reckon most good ideas will come from this forum. It seems like such a rich source of valuable experience for us.

In my post I said that Monty’s tactics seem to be as follows:

“1 Don’t answer Mummy and Daddy, just suck thumb and stare blankly at them.

2 Scream when they turn the television off EVERY night. Howl and cry as loudly as possible. Switch on turbo tantrum booster if necessary.

3 Refuse to obey simple commands.

4 Don’t eat supper; especially when they ask me if I want something and I have said yes to it.

5 Change my mind frequently.

6 When they lift me up to dress, undress, or make me do anything else not on my plan become an instant slinky and collapse in a heap.

7 Don’t tell them what I want or don’t want. Make ‘em guess. It seems to really annoy them.

8 Throw a tantrum as soon as they turn off the light at bed-time.

9 Do the opposite of whatever I’m told unless they’re just trying to trick me into doing what they want.

10 Nod and say I understand simple commands and then, when challenged, pretend I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about.

11 Just occasionally nod and say yes ok I would like to go on the naughty step.

12 Always be on high alert for opportunities to annoy Mummy and Daddy or misbehave.

Although we use the naughty step and occasionally confiscate toys, we need more options. Serious heart to heart talks have no effect either. We have “How to Listen so Children will talk” etc but I haven’t the time to read it for a few weeks. I’m hoping there’ll be some useful nuggets of wisdom in there.

Progress on this issue will be reported in the coming weeks, months and years no doubt.

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Before the twins were born I didn’t even know I was supposed to pack a hospital bag. When Monty was born I was my usual chaotic self and it didn’t occur to me that I would need a bag carefully packed with a range of useful things. So when Charlotte was pregnant with the twins I became aware that I would need to be better prepared.

But I was still at a loss about exactly what items I would need. So I posted a question on TwinsClub and was both surprised and entertained by the answers I got.

Subsequently I blogged about it and then created a list of things to take. This was one of the best pieces of preparation I did. I knew Charlotte had got herself organised already as our bedroom and living room looked like a luggage trolley. Bags everywhere, all neatly packed. Luckily, mine was ready in good time too. I knew that if we were in a hurry when we had to go to hospital I would be grateful for this foresight.

So, just in case it could be useful for other parents to be I have created two free downloadable hospital bag lists of what to take for fathers and mothers.

They’re listed in the Free Download section and I hope they will be as useful to others as they were to Charlotte and me.

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I like extreme sports and even participate in a very tame version of them (ultra-distance marathons in inhospitable climates). I got sent this link last week by my brother and if it’s a real clip which I’m beginning to think it is then it has to be one of the coolest things I’ve yet seen on video. I have sent it to a BASE jumping contact I have for verification.

Don’t try this at home, kids. And if anyone suggests you have a go, just say no.

Crystal Active Holidays

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Self-employment has many perks and many disadvantages, often both coming together. The best example being you can take time off when you want, but you don’t get paid for it.

I was honoured to be asked to be Father Christmas at Monty’s nursery at the end of term on Friday morning. Their costume was superb (I looked on the box and saw it was bought at Woolworths for about twenty quid). False beard, spectacles, red fluffy trousers and jacket, black boot covers and a hat were all included.

My biggest concern was that Monty might recognise me. In the end I needn’t have worried. The power of suggestion is very strong in small, impressionable children. If they want you to be Father Christmas then that’s who you are, no matter what. If you look like someone’s Daddy, or even your own, then that’s just a coincidence.

Probably the only mistake I made was using a chair thoughtfully placed in front of the children. It meant I was sitting up higher than them like a teacher would, and was therefore a little intimidating to them. In hindsight it would have been better if I had sat on the floor with them so they could gather all around me and clamber all over me, making me a more friendly version.

Having said that, I think Father Christmas went down well at the nursery this year. It’s a great role. It was my first time as Santa - I hope not my last.

New Portable DVD Player now in Red. Perfect for people on the go.

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At first I thought I’d get a definite “No, Daddy, I don’t want to do that,” but on Sunday Monty took his first ride on a horse ever. He’d always been a little intimidated by horses, but the circumstances were different this time. We were at a party in Surrey hosted by some cousins. During the morning before lunch, children were being offered pony rides. The fact that we didn’t make a big deal about it probably helped Monty feel happy about the idea too.

After taking the obligatory photos I held his hand and walked next to Monty and the pony. I was surprised at how much he enjoyed it. When Charlotte asked him how it was he said he’d had a good time, pointing out how bumpy it had been. So far so good.

Let’s hope he has a few more positive experiences like this. I get nervous about riding as I haven’t done much of it and, as a boy, I once rode a horse which got a bit too flighty for me. It nearly put me off for life. I’d hate to see Monty, Tilly and Scott have the same experience.

Lone Ranger

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We were very lucky to have a maternity nurse staying with us for four weeks after the twins were born. Advantages were that we got into some helpful routines and had an extra pair of hands. I had no idea how much there would be to do. And our maternity nurse was very good at not intruding on our evenings and looking after the twins.

The disadvantages were few, for me mainly revolving around me not feeling that I knew what the routines were or that I felt like it took me ages to bond with Tilly and Scott. Having said that, we were very lucky to have someone on-hand who knew about breastfeeding twins who could share her expertise with Charlotte often.

Now that we’re back to our old selves, without the maternity nurse, it’s taken some time for us to get our routines sorted out. Being the Dad and having useless man-boobs, I seem to sleep ok. Charlotte, however, is needed at 3.00 am most nights to do the night feed, and then again at 6.00 am.

For me it’s easier, I just get on with the 9.30 pm feed using bottles of formula. I remember that this was one of the great interactions I had with Monty when he was a baby and it meant I felt very bonded to him by the time we stopped doing the 11.00 pm feed. I missed it for a while afterwards. It was “our” time, just Monty and Daddy. And now I’m having “our” time all over again with Tilly and Scott, a little earlier in the evening at the moment but hopefully soon we can move this to a little later. My ideal would be an 11.00 pm feed with the twins sleeping through to 6.00 or 7.00 am. That would mean Charlotte could skip the 3.00 am feed and sleep from 9.00 or 10.00 pm right through until morning.

It’s much harder, I’ve found, feeding twins. Initially I tried a casual approach. Lining up the baby lying-down bouncey things (technical term) I thought it couldn’t be too difficult to have a bottle in each hand and sit on the floor in between them. This way I envisaged two perfectly well-behaved mites being very accommodating and lying on their backs letting Daddy feed them. This would mean I could combine activities. I could feed them and get up to date with watching the back issues of The Shield on dvd. I’ve just finished Series 3 and would like to graduate to Series 4 soon.

However, Tilly and Scott have their own ideas (who would have thought?) and so it’s a trickier process than I imagined.

For starters, I’m not sure they have the same appreciation for the tight script, superb cinematography, sharp direction and engaging characters. This means they act totally disinterested, requiring my attention whenever it suits them, not when it suits me. Pause gets pressed a lot, and it can take anything up to two hours to watch a one hour episode.

Nevertheless, the feed gets done in about an hour every night. And the twins have their own way of feeding. Tilly likes to feed in small doses and dribbles out of the left side of her mouth - she’s difficult to wind adequately. Scott likes to drink as much as possible in one go, is very easy to wind, and then prefers to go straight back to sleep. It’s funny noticing how different they are already.

So we’re getting our routines gradually established. Sometimes they work well, sometimes less so. But it’s all good fun, and for the most part, I’m enjoying the ride.

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Wandsworth Twins Club Christmas Party

One of the great benefits of having twins is that you have exclusive rights to several clubs and organisations. One of these is the Wandsworth Twins Club, a well-organised gang of locals who all have twins. On Sunday we went out en famille to their annual Christmas Party, held at the One O’Clock Clubhouse in Battersea Park.

It sounds blatantly obvious, but the room was filled with twins of all ages and their parents. What surprised me was how content everyone was, including even the smallest babies. I was deeply proud of our quiet and very well-behaved twins throughout the afternoon. Mind you, I’m sure I would have been equally proud if they’d misbehaved and caused chaos. As it was, they slept soundly through most of the festivities.

There were two outstanding entertainers at the party, a local guy called John Cronin who plays guitar (among other instruments) and sings for kids at parties and playgroups. He’s a very popular entertainer. Monty knew him well from a playgroup he used to go to and kept pointing him out to me saying “There’s John”. After each song Monty clapped and cheered and called out “Well done, John!” I’ve no idea where he gets that from. It sounds quite comical coming from a toddler. It’s really great to see someone as talented as John creating such a lively and fun environment for so many children. I have a great deal of respect for him - he makes it look so easy. All the time I’m watching him entertain all these kids I’m hastily crossing off “children’s entertainer” from my list of back-up careers. I just couldn’t do it.

There was also an extremely talented face-painter called Tracy who decorated one young boy as a tiger - I was amazed at how good it looked - I’ve seen a fair amount of face painting now, and think she’s right up there at the top of my recommendations. Apparently she’s a twin too, as is her mother. She had done such a convincing tiger we asked Monty if he’d like to be painted. In no time at all she turned him from happy boy to even happier lion. All afternoon he kept demanding to look in mirrors. It brought a smile to his face every time. I had to make sure he got an extra long last look at himself in the mirror before scrubbing it off at bathtime. Nevertheless, for the few hours that he wore the lion he looked terrific.

I couldn’t help being a bit envious of this generation. It was with regret that I found myself saying “They didn’t do that in my day”.

And then on to Father Christmas, a taller, slimmer version than any I had ever read about, who did a superb job of dishing out presents to all the children (discreetly placed in Santa’s sack when we arrived). I was taking notes as I’m next up for the Father Christmas role at Monty’s nursery later this week. Thankfully, although I don’t have a deep booming ho ho ho voice, my shape is about right for the Coca Cola Santa we all know best. Monty was delighted with his pirate hat and eye-patch and did a convincing “Arr, Jim lad” at frequent intervals.

When I was young… (I don’t believe I just said that) I remember it feeling like a lifetime passed in between Christmases and then each one was such a fantastic and exciting time of year. Now I have children of my own I can see that I’ll get to experience that fun all over again, even if somewhat vicariously through Monty, Tilly and Scott. I just hope their Christmases are as exciting as the ones my parents created for us.

* If you’re interested in hiring John Cronin at Fruity Tunes click here.

** And if you’d like your children magically transformed into lions, tigers or anything else have a look at Tracy’s site.

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The Conclusion

I haven’t used this blog to write up television reviews in the past however I do use it to write about things which interest me. Last night I got a second chance to see the concluding two parts of Heroes which I’ve now followed for the entire series. I would have watched them on Wednesday night but I was babysitting. Charlotte cruelly abandoned me and went out to a friend’s party leaving me with my three children. Alone. Outnumbered. Surrounded.

Heroes has been a great addition to my weekly TV schedule this autumn. Original, exciting and well-paced, Heroes is the kind of series that comes around once in a blue moon. I had a genuine feeling throughout the series that it was virtually anybody’s guess how it would end. It’s an American TV series and therefore I expected it to go to several more series, rather like Prison Break or 24. I was worried it would be a weak ending inviting me to watch further series before resolving the central storyline.

When I saw the concluding episode of Prison Break (Series 1) I remember being furious that the producers had left many parts of the plot unresolved, including the main story, and with the prisoners in a worse predicament than they had been in at practically any time in the whole series. I felt ripped off and annoyed that they hadn’t at least closed the door on several of the more important parts of the plot. I could understand that they wanted the characters to undergo future hardship and more challenges before resolving their stories, but nevertheless felt cheated. And then Sky bought the later series and lost me as a viewer forever.

Same with Lost, although I cared less, as by the end of Series 1 I wouldn’t have cared too much if a Tornado had hit the island killing all the plane crash survivors in one fell swoop, especially that stupid labrador (OK, I know I sound mean now). But a cult show is one thing; spinning out a story forever just for the sake of the television ratings is quite another.

Look at Fawlty Towers. Love it or hate it, one of the reasons that programme became such a great success is because there were only ever 12 episodes. Full stop. No follow-up needed. OK, now I realise I’m switching genre somewhat, but my point is this. If you want to have a programme where you make it run and run, then I can see how you could do that with Heroes. As long as there is a strong main storyline underlying the entire series and as long as that storyline is concluded satisfactorily at the end then I’d be happy to see a new series with some of the characters picking up where the preceding series left off.

Heroes was confidently written; it’s not often that a writer can get away with killing off that many superb heroes without alienating the audience. Remember the sweet waitress who fell in love with Hiro? Did she really have to die so violently and so early in the series just when we were beginning to get excited about her new-found special powers and when she and Hiro were evidently about to fall in love? Throughout the series I couldn’t help secretly hoping that somehow Hiro would get a chance to turn back the clock and save her life. And yet he couldn’t. And that’s what made me all the more involved and all the more concerned that the characters should be extra vigilant and do away with that pesky Sylar… tsk tsk.

The individual storylines were sometimes witty and light, yet always engaging as I watched these seemingly normal people become aware of their special powers. And for some it wasn’t an easy discovery. The menace of the evil Sylar kept me on the edge of my seat right up until last night’s whirlwind conclusion.

Congratulations to the Beeb for bringing such an unusual and highly engrossing and watchable series to our screens.

“Save the cheerleader, save the world” became an important mantra throughout the series. I hope the programme buyers/schedulers can find more of this type of “cheerleader” programme for it’s schedule in the future. This one was SUPERB.

Heroes - Complete Series 1 (HD DVD)

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