I’ve never liked doing the chores around the house and I have always been vigilant in my determination never to volunteer for anything which may be remotely taxing or tedious. So, you can imagine I find some things about being married really difficult. I’m not one of those fantastic “new men” who relishes in every opportunity to cook, clean, do the laundry or put up shelves.

Over the years I had almost perfected my ability to be absent when required. However, maybe I’m just getting a little too old to put up a fight or a little too slow to run. I now find I tend to do a lot more chores than I had ever bargained for. I used to get a bit annoyed when Charlotte asked me to do things. To her credit, she only ever asked me nicely. But she would often need to remind me several times. Sometimes she would resort to sending me emails.

But now my life has been been changed. Revolutionised, even.

How? Well, I installed ASN a couple of years ago, and since then things have gone from strength to strength. ASN is a human bevaviour programme which can be installed directly into the brain. It stands for Auto Self-Nag.

How it works is clever, simple and entertaining for both me and anyone around me. What happens is that I’ll be going about my normal life when suddenly a voice will kick in giving me mental reminders. So, I may be sitting on the sofa watching television with Charlotte and when the advertisements come on I will hear myself saying things in a similar tone to Charlotte. Such as, “Could you do the washing up, please, it won’t get done by itself, you know.” Or “Could you bring the clothes up from the dryer, please?” As I say, my wife being a polite, well-brought up girl, there’s usually a “please” or a “thank you” somewhere in the request. And it’s great because it means Charlotte doesn’t actually have to say anything out loud to me. ASN has kicked in and is reminding me of tasks to do.

Now, I accept it may look a little silly with Daddy walking around the house, seemingly engaged in conversation with himself. But it gives Charlotte and me a laugh and enables me to take the heat out of any potential conflict. ASN isn’t perfect yet, it needs some development. I know this because occasionally I get email reminders about things I need to do. But I’m no longer the slouch I used to be. And it means that neither Charlotte nor I feel like she’s being a nag.

OK, it’s silly, but it makes us laugh.

Anyway, I haven’t got time to write more now. The dishwasher won’t empty itself…

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