Before the twins were born I didn’t even know I was supposed to pack a hospital bag. When Monty was born I was my usual chaotic self and it didn’t occur to me that I would need a bag carefully packed with a range of useful things. So when Charlotte was pregnant with the twins I became aware that I would need to be better prepared.

But I was still at a loss about exactly what items I would need. So I posted a question on TwinsClub and was both surprised and entertained by the answers I got.

Subsequently I blogged about it and then created a list of things to take. This was one of the best pieces of preparation I did. I knew Charlotte had got herself organised already as our bedroom and living room looked like a luggage trolley. Bags everywhere, all neatly packed. Luckily, mine was ready in good time too. I knew that if we were in a hurry when we had to go to hospital I would be grateful for this foresight.

So, just in case it could be useful for other parents to be I have created two free downloadable hospital bag lists of what to take for fathers and mothers.

They’re listed in the Free Download section and I hope they will be as useful to others as they were to Charlotte and me.

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A while ago I posted a question on the Twinsclub forum trying to find out what kind of vehicle we should get now we have three children. We had a lot of feedback and responses to our question and in the end we got an extremely good deal on an MPV. We hadn’t originally intended to buy new (I’m seriously opposed to buying new with cars knowing all about depreciation once the car has been driven out of the showroom). Nevertheless, thanks to us knowing a man who knew someone etc we decided to buy a new Citroen C8. It feels like a bus to drive, much wider than our Golf GTI or Nissan Micra and much higher up.

I collected it from Newcastle on Saturday and had a fun drive home in it testing out the sat nav, stereo, 6th gear and cup-holder. All in all it was a good buy.

So a lot of people asked me to let them know what we decided to buy. The key influencing factors were:

vehicle needs to have sliding side doors both sides (this narrowed down our search considerably, and cut out the older versions of the Toyota MPV)

vehicle needs to have decent stereo and coffee-mug holder (I had to compromise on the cup-holder a bit as the Citroen one isn’t great).

vehicle needs to have a bit of punch, i.e. as we do a few long car journeys we need something which can handle motorway driving at 70 mph with ease. We don’t want to have the feeling we are caught in a tornado every time we get in the overtaking lane.

Vehicle needs to be in as low insurance category as possible. This discounted the Chrysler Voyager. We also heard the Chrysler Voyager has a reputation for things going wrong and being costly to repair.

Vehicle needs to have 7 seats and a sensible configuration of seats in the back. Amazingly the Voyager’s configuration was 2-2-3 from front to back. The Citroen is 2-3-2 which works much better for us.

Overall, we’re delighted with the car and we know we’ll have it for at least ten more years. Now all we have to do is learn how to drive it without crunching it when we go through narrow gaps.

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Great news! The trains in Clapham are now running on time again and once more the flight path overhead is safe. And I’m really proud to tell you how I contributed to this somewhat bizarre transport miracle. This week we had chaos on the railways when my son, Monty, announced that not one but two of his Brio train engines’ batteries had died. Stranded passengers were fuming, said a disgruntled Fat Controller. And only this morning Monty showed me a poorly looking Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with damaged wings - this was sure to result in a high impact air disaster for Caractacus Potts, his children and Miss Truly Scrumptious.

(By the way, no prizes here, but can you name Caractacus Potts’s two children? If so I’ll tell you the most amazing piece of movie trivia about each of them. Answers in the comments section please - First correct answers win.)

Anyhow, luckily all this was to be resolved in a matter of minutes and with a minimum of fuss thanks to the best father’s present ever. You may remember that my mother gave me a set of watchmaker’s screwdrivers in the summer. I actually had to use every single one of them to take Chitty Chitty Bang Bang apart and re-align the wings, prising apart metal and plastic casings, undoing various screws of different sizes etc.

But I managed to fix it in the end. And the trains were really a piece of cake, thanks, again, to the screwdriver set. Not a week has gone by since I owned these family-life-saving tools that they haven’t been in action on some toy or another.

A photo is included so you can see what we’re talking about here.

If you’re considering buying a set of these then look no further than this link:

At £1.99 (plus postage and packing no doubt) this is an absolute must for any parent…

or if you want the super duper funky set then try this

And for only an extra £1.01 (plus p & p) this gives you even more options! I can’t believe it takes something like this to get me this excited these days

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(Don’t add these to your compilation cd)

Salt ‘n Pepper – Let’s talk about sex
Rod Stewart – The First Cut is the Deepest (if a c-section)
Adam and the Ants – Stand and Deliver
Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
Boys2Men – I’ll Make Love to You
REM – Everybody Hurts
The Isley Brothers - Let’s Make Love Tonight
David Bowie - Let’s Dance
Roberta Flack - Feel Like Making Love
Glen Frey - The Heat is On
The Eagles - Take it Easy
KC & The Sunshine Band - Keep it Comin’ Love

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Music to have babies to…

I was thinking the other day about CDs and songs I should take to the hospital to inspire Charlotte while giving birth to the twins. I enlisted the help of some people on a forum and here’s the initial list we have come up with:

The Verve - The drugs don’t work
Salt ‘n Pepper - Push it
Cat Stevens - I can’t keep it in
Tears for Fears - Shout, shout, let it all out
Thompson Twins - Doctor, Doctor
Tina Turner - Don’t leave me this way
The Beatles - Help!
Britney Spears - Baby One More Time (particularly apt for twins…)
Britney Spears - Born to make you happy
D-Ream - Things can only get better
Madness - My girl’s mad at me
Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax
Iggy Pop - Baby it can’t fall

If you have any additions to the compilation please let me know…

Twins

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What to read while waiting for the twins to be delivered

I recently asked a Twins forum what I should take in my bag to the hospital while waiting for the birth of the twins and I got an outstanding and very helpful response. What surprised me however, was how many people recommended taking books as there could be a lot of waiting around.

So I thought about it and remembered what I did before Monty was born (apart from driving up to Watford, delivering a presentation to a client, and then driving back to the hospital to assist with the delivery of our son).

I did nothing, as I recall. Because I really couldn’t concentrate and I thought it would be a bit unfair of me to start reading books while Charlotte was having contractions. I didn’t think it would go down too well if, while she was heaving away in pain, I occasionally looked up from a thumping good novel to say “Shhh, hun, can you pipe down a little? I’ve just got to a really good bit.”

So I asked on the forum who had actually read any of the books they had taken - an almost unanimous response confirmed what I suspected - i.e. that virtually nobody had been able to read them at all. Charlotte and I have therefore agreed that Hello, OK and other magazines will be fine - the more pictures the better.

And I’ll take a couple of running magazines and a copy of Men’s Fitness just to make me feel at home. And maybe even a copy of Empire so I can read the movie reviews - after all, if labour really looks like it’s taking a while I might just nip out and catch a movie…

Twins

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What to take to the Hospital for the Birth of the Twins

A few days ago I posted a question on a couple of forums about what I should consider taking to hospital the day Charlotte goes into labour. I had some excellent answers, including some very funny ones.

Here is the combined list of items which other people took in their bags, together with some of the comments received:

Camera
Batteries
Mobile phone
Charger for mobile
Money for parking, payphones and canteen
Credit cards
Full change of clothes (possibly even 2)
Towel
Deodorant
Toothbrush
Food
Drinks
Puzzle book
List of people to contact after birth of twins
A pillow and blankets
A mini fan
A 4 pack of lager
The sun newspaper,
Anything to stop them say they’re moaning
Camcorder and batteries
Toiletries in case of overnight stay
Frozen small bottles of mineral water
Reading material
Magazines
Books
An ice pack - “for your hands - after they have been squeezed to mush by your dear partner as she gives birth!!”
A water pistol
Dextrose tablets
A large fan
“A picture of our dog”
Two meaningful CDs
Tissues
A bottle of Evian
A flask of tea
Some sarnies
A large sausage roll
Reading material - nothing containing lithe limbed ladies
A note book - eh!
A can of red bull
“A spare t-shirt (in case he got covered in mess he said!) ”
Caffeine drinks “(you will most likely miss a night’s sleep)”
Newspapers
CDs
Imodium
A list of your favourite jokes to recite at wholly inappropriate times
Chewing Gum
Brushaways
A sense of humour…
Food, food and more food
Flannel/small towel
Pain killers for you “just in case she grabs a piece of your anatomy (that got you there in the first place) and squeezes hard so you can experience a tiny amount of pain too”
Toys for any existing children
Liquorice - for energy
Parental responsibility forms
A folding travel changing-mat to fit inside a hospital cot
6 king sized snickers bars
Present for wife….. (can’t think why - I doubt she’ll remember to take one for me…)

So that all looks pretty straightforward doesn’t it? I’ll need a juggernaut to carry that lot…

So here’s what’s going in mine:

Camera
Batteries
Mobile phone
Charger for mobile
Money for parking, payphones and canteen
Credit cards
Full change of clothes
Towel
Deodorant
Toothbrush
Food, sandwiches, crisps, chocolate, jaffa cakes, fruit cake, malt loaf
Drinks, coca cola
Newspapers
Magazines
CD player
CDs or compilation (see separate blog to follow on “greatest hits to give birth to”)

Charlotte’s bag is all ready so I’d better get mind done soon too. Just in case they’re early, God forbid.

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When Monty was born my wife had to take a bag to the hospital just in case they kept her in for any length of time. I couldn’t believe how much had to go in the bag. And now we have to do it all over again. This time it’s almost certain that she will be kept in for a day or two. Which means I’ll be very busy. Not that I’m complaining about being busy.

But I’ve been told that I now have to take a bag or my own and I have no idea why. So I’ll be looking for ideas and if anyone has any then please let me know.

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I’ve never liked doing the chores around the house and I have always been vigilant in my determination never to volunteer for anything which may be remotely taxing or tedious. So, you can imagine I find some things about being married really difficult. I’m not one of those fantastic “new men” who relishes in every opportunity to cook, clean, do the laundry or put up shelves.

Over the years I had almost perfected my ability to be absent when required. However, maybe I’m just getting a little too old to put up a fight or a little too slow to run. I now find I tend to do a lot more chores than I had ever bargained for. I used to get a bit annoyed when Charlotte asked me to do things. To her credit, she only ever asked me nicely. But she would often need to remind me several times. Sometimes she would resort to sending me emails.

But now my life has been been changed. Revolutionised, even.

How? Well, I installed ASN a couple of years ago, and since then things have gone from strength to strength. ASN is a human bevaviour programme which can be installed directly into the brain. It stands for Auto Self-Nag.

How it works is clever, simple and entertaining for both me and anyone around me. What happens is that I’ll be going about my normal life when suddenly a voice will kick in giving me mental reminders. So, I may be sitting on the sofa watching television with Charlotte and when the advertisements come on I will hear myself saying things in a similar tone to Charlotte. Such as, “Could you do the washing up, please, it won’t get done by itself, you know.” Or “Could you bring the clothes up from the dryer, please?” As I say, my wife being a polite, well-brought up girl, there’s usually a “please” or a “thank you” somewhere in the request. And it’s great because it means Charlotte doesn’t actually have to say anything out loud to me. ASN has kicked in and is reminding me of tasks to do.

Now, I accept it may look a little silly with Daddy walking around the house, seemingly engaged in conversation with himself. But it gives Charlotte and me a laugh and enables me to take the heat out of any potential conflict. ASN isn’t perfect yet, it needs some development. I know this because occasionally I get email reminders about things I need to do. But I’m no longer the slouch I used to be. And it means that neither Charlotte nor I feel like she’s being a nag.

OK, it’s silly, but it makes us laugh.

Anyway, I haven’t got time to write more now. The dishwasher won’t empty itself…

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One of the many things which put me off about having children was that I knew my life would never be the same again. I would never enjoy the same freedom. Gone would be the days when impulsive decisions to go to the cinema or out for a run or out to dinner with friends would be easy.

I remember people telling me that after our first born arrived I would be relegated in importance in the house. My career wouldn’t be as important any more. It all sounded deeply forbidding. And I wasn’t convinced by mothers and fathers who told me how much fun it was being a parent. These were the same people who looked older, greyer, had more wrinkles and had long since given up on wearing fashionable clothes and trying to appear care-free. Why wear a good quality leather “Shaft” style jacket when going out? It will only be sprayed with vomit within seconds of taking out of the bag. A decent car-coat made from some ghastly washable fabric and generously decorated with pockets would be far more practical. In fact, from now on the measure of how practical something is would become far more important than how it looks or how it might improve your status with your mates.

Everything we buy is now judged on its practicality. It may look good but just how “practical” is it?… Out of ten…. An eight? OK go ahead and buy it, but if it’s only a five or a six keep looking until you find the “right” one, whatever the product.

It’s not just material things which change I realise. It’s my attitude, my perception and my interpretation of what matters.

I never thought it would happen to me, but…. I find myself looking at life from a new viewpoint. If it isn’t practical then don’t buy it. If it’s fashionable then think twice before taking out the credit card. And you know what, my career really isn’t as important as it used to be. You know why? Because when I see my son each day he gives me a beaming grin and a huge hug and we talk, tickle, read, giggle and play together.

And you know what? Despite the slightly greying hair, the increased number of wrinkles and my abandoned sense of fashion, it’s a lot of fun being a parent…

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